Boys, Don't Read This....No Seriously, Don't
Okay guys, don't say I didn't warn you. I really thought long and hard about this one because it is SUPER embarrassing, but I have finally been talked into writing this blog. Here goes nothing...
My sister, Tara, is five years older than me. As the little sister, I, of course, always wanted whatever Tara had. If Tara got blue jean overalls, I begged Helen to get me a pair. If Tara got a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy, I wanted a turtle as well, even though I didn't even like them. As Tara got older and into her teenage years, it became harder to copy her. Out of nowhere, Tara got boobs. It didn't take long for me to take one of Helen's sport bras and stuff it with socks. I was no amateur. I could hang.
Until one day, I noticed something new in our bathroom. There were these giant padded stickers. I opened one up, and tossed away the pink, plastic wrapper, peeled off the back and stuck it on my belly. "Huh? Weird?" I thought. I continued investigating and found these plastic tubes that shot out cotton balls! I put them in the sink and ran water over them to watch them grow, and a half a box later, I got bored and went on about my day. I still had no idea what they were or what they were used for.
After a day or so of eavesdropping on Helen and Tara, I learned that these padded stickers and cotton cannons were used for something called a "period." After some intense research in our encyclopedias, I decided that if Tara had it, I would have it too.
I grabbed a few supplies and sneaked down the hallway into my bedroom. I took the padded sticker and doused it with red food coloring. Not just a little red food coloring, like the whole bottle. I stuck it to my panties and hid the empty bottle in my underwear drawer. I strolled down the hallway into Helen's sewing room and calmly stated that I had a period too. Helen had a horrified look on her face. Any mom would if their first grader had a period. I could tell she wasn't so sure, so I showed her. Now, remember I used a whole bottle, so it looked as if I were losing a gallon of blood! I think Helen believed me for a split second, until she realized that everything from my belly button to my knees was stained red! This was the point where Helen was looking up into the sky and saying "Lord, how much does a woman have to take?" After Helen explained that it would be awhile, the whole family got a good laugh out of my faux period.
Many moons later, that day came. It just so happened to be Thanksgiving Day. One of the few days of the year when you get to see just about every family member you have. So being a teenager, the last thing you want everyone to know is THAT. Helen had to leave early to help my Mamaw cook, so before she left Tara and dad both talked to Helen and told her not to tell everyone, and not to embarrass me. Well as you all know by now, Helen has a big mouth, and Helen never listens.
We arrive at Mamaw's house and walk into the kitchen where every female in the family stands with their hands folded, batting their eyelashes. I immediately knew. Tara exclaimed "Oh good Lord, Mom!" You know it's bad when Tara feels sorry for me! They all began hugging me and welcoming me to "womanhood." I was mortified and furious. Yes, I get a lot of comments from people asking what my mom thinks of my blog and if it embarrasses her? These types of stories are why I can honestly answer, "Nope, she deserves it!"
So while I so anxiously awaited the day that I would blossom into a young lady, 10 years later it's not so fun.
My sister, Tara, is five years older than me. As the little sister, I, of course, always wanted whatever Tara had. If Tara got blue jean overalls, I begged Helen to get me a pair. If Tara got a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy, I wanted a turtle as well, even though I didn't even like them. As Tara got older and into her teenage years, it became harder to copy her. Out of nowhere, Tara got boobs. It didn't take long for me to take one of Helen's sport bras and stuff it with socks. I was no amateur. I could hang.
Until one day, I noticed something new in our bathroom. There were these giant padded stickers. I opened one up, and tossed away the pink, plastic wrapper, peeled off the back and stuck it on my belly. "Huh? Weird?" I thought. I continued investigating and found these plastic tubes that shot out cotton balls! I put them in the sink and ran water over them to watch them grow, and a half a box later, I got bored and went on about my day. I still had no idea what they were or what they were used for.
After a day or so of eavesdropping on Helen and Tara, I learned that these padded stickers and cotton cannons were used for something called a "period." After some intense research in our encyclopedias, I decided that if Tara had it, I would have it too.
I grabbed a few supplies and sneaked down the hallway into my bedroom. I took the padded sticker and doused it with red food coloring. Not just a little red food coloring, like the whole bottle. I stuck it to my panties and hid the empty bottle in my underwear drawer. I strolled down the hallway into Helen's sewing room and calmly stated that I had a period too. Helen had a horrified look on her face. Any mom would if their first grader had a period. I could tell she wasn't so sure, so I showed her. Now, remember I used a whole bottle, so it looked as if I were losing a gallon of blood! I think Helen believed me for a split second, until she realized that everything from my belly button to my knees was stained red! This was the point where Helen was looking up into the sky and saying "Lord, how much does a woman have to take?" After Helen explained that it would be awhile, the whole family got a good laugh out of my faux period.
Many moons later, that day came. It just so happened to be Thanksgiving Day. One of the few days of the year when you get to see just about every family member you have. So being a teenager, the last thing you want everyone to know is THAT. Helen had to leave early to help my Mamaw cook, so before she left Tara and dad both talked to Helen and told her not to tell everyone, and not to embarrass me. Well as you all know by now, Helen has a big mouth, and Helen never listens.
We arrive at Mamaw's house and walk into the kitchen where every female in the family stands with their hands folded, batting their eyelashes. I immediately knew. Tara exclaimed "Oh good Lord, Mom!" You know it's bad when Tara feels sorry for me! They all began hugging me and welcoming me to "womanhood." I was mortified and furious. Yes, I get a lot of comments from people asking what my mom thinks of my blog and if it embarrasses her? These types of stories are why I can honestly answer, "Nope, she deserves it!"
So while I so anxiously awaited the day that I would blossom into a young lady, 10 years later it's not so fun.
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