My Secret Sauce

I think you know by now that I am pretty candid about what’s going on in my life. Consequently, I am also candid about what’s going on in the lives of those around me.  So, here’s a quick update to bring everyone up to speed who maybe haven’t watched my stories and posts as diligently as I would like...

1.  Matt has been experiencing a lot of pain, and recently had a surgery in an attempt to relieve that pain. The jury is still out on whether or not there is improvement because, much like when you do a simple home repair, you fix one thing, 3 more pop up. He also started a new chemo this week. It has definitely felt like a super steep uphill battle the past few months, but I will go more in depth with everything another day.
2. Logan is almost 1. He is walking, talking, and destroying constantly.
3. 
   I am still working from home full time. Both a blessing and a curse for many reasons.
4. I started a thing called 75 Hard, at which I initially rolled my eyes, but that's beside the point.  It requires you to complete a list of things everyday that is...well, hard. See photo...
   

I think those are all of the major factors that play into what I’m about to say.

I receive messages fairly often that use words like “super woman” and “goals.” So, I am here to tell you the recipe to my secret sauce - how I have it all together! How to be the best mom, wife, daughter, friend, employee, etc.!  How to have it all in just 1 simple step!

Step 1: Quit trying to act like you have it all together. Quit trying to be the best mom, wife, daughter, friend, employee, etc. all at once.  It’s perfectly okay for your life to appear less than perfect.

While I am absolutely flattered by those messages, and they certainly put a pep in my step, I don’t feel “super” most days. I think I somehow give off a vibe that I have everything figured out when, truthfully, most days I am using my very last ounce of energy to throw everyone and everything across the finish line while mustering just enough strength to drag my unshowered, pajama wearing self over it before collapsing. And then I do it again the next day. I don’t say this because I want you to feel sorry for me or give me pats on the back, I say this because I know other people are out there doing the same, and friend, you are not alone. 

I have mounds of unfolded laundry in my bedroom. I have dirty clothes on my bathroom floor. I have every type of beauty, skin, and haircare product on my bathroom sink and a cluttered nightstand. I have too many shoes by the front door. I have toys in every corner of the house. I don’t have the energy to unload the dishwasher, so dishes accumulate on the counter beside the sink. Lord knows they ain’t getting hand washed! My dining room table is piled with various things for my job and Logie photoshoots, and our countertops are covered in pills and bills. Do I love it? No. Would I like a super clean house all the time? Sure! But until I have the money for a full time housekeeper, notagonnahappen. 

As much as I tell myself “this is just a season, and it shall pass,” my mentality about it is still a work in progress. When our parents or friends ask us what they can do to help, I immediately feel shame. I know they genuinely want to help, but sometimes “how can I help?” sounds a lot like “this place is a disaster,” or “get it together, girl.” Adequate rest Kellie knows the difference, but sometimes when I’m at the end of my rope (which is usually when help is offered) I retreat.  I say “No, I’ve got it. Thank you, I appreciate it, but we’re really okay!” Admitting failure or weakness is not something I enjoy, but being too proud to accept help from those who love us has to be one of my worst character flaws.  I am grateful for the people who know that about me and don’t give me chance to weasel my way out of it. 

At the end of the day, my priority list just doesn’t include housework right now.  I stare at a laptop all day while an (almost) 1 year old begs for my attention between meetings, phone calls, and emails. During nap times I squeeze in workouts and very rarely a shower while also caring for Matt when he needs my help. So let’s be real, after dinner, bottles, bath, book, and bed - I check out. I don’t want to do dishes or laundry or anything that doesn’t include a Lush bath bomb and an episode of 1,000-lb Sisters. 

I definitely don’t have it all figured out.  Sharing the fun parts of my life on social media and getting to chat with all of you about those parts makes me feel better.  I'm not trying to appear super strong or hide the bad, but the bad is in my face all day, everyday.  Posting a dance video or making fun TikToks with Logan is just one of the ways I escape.  I am still learning how to be okay with this everchanging, challenging season of life, and that meant doing some soul searching to figure out my priorities and acting accordingly. I am going to continue to do the best I can to help Matt feel well, raise a happy, healthy boy, and keep my mental and physical health in check. Everything else? It will be fine for a few more days. So, if you are sitting on the couch reading this with 3 day hair and a banana puff stuck to the bottom of your sock, you’re not alone, my friend, and we’re going to be okay!

Xo - Kellie