Here We Go Again...

My heart is broken.  This isn't any easier the second time around.  It's still something I never wanted to share, but this is the reality of cancer.  This is why there are check-ins and various tests and scans.  I will start at the beginning for those of you who aren't aware.  Matt was diagnosed with small bowel adenocarcinoma in October of 2017.  He had surgery to remove the tumor followed by 6 months of chemotherapy.  Matt's scans, up until this month, have been great.  He has had clear scopes, clear CT scans, and perfect bloodwork.  However, at his one year appointment, the PET scan showed something entirely different.  There were several spots that "lit up," and the biopsies from his laparoscopy all came back positive for adenocarcinoma...again. *big sigh* If you're scratching your head and asking yourself how this is possible, join the club.  Basically, cancer cells are tiny little boogers, and sometimes they escape the chemo to find a new home somewhere else in the ol' bod.  They are too small for a CT scan to pick up, but in the past year they were able to find a blood supply and grow.  Surgery is not a good option this time, so Matt will have another 6 months of chemotherapy to evict the little monsters.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that we are upset, and I think we would be crazy not to be.  It doesn't matter which way you slice it, this is scary.  As I sit here typing with puffy, red eyes from the relentless tears, I can't shake these feelings.  I am sad, worried, scared, anxious, mad, frustrated, exhausted, but all the while clinging to my faith for dear life.  To say the cancer "journey" (as they call it) is a rough one is an understatement.  We haven't fully recovered mentally from the first go-around, but we have to hit the pause button on life again.  That's the most frustrating part, but that's another blog for another day.

We are trying to get our hearts and minds right for round two of this suck-fest.  Luckily, we have a week before he starts chemo, so we will be going to the beach with Matt's family to hopefully have some fun and relax.  Easier said than done, but we will try!  We will also have to make another trip up to NYC for an appointment with his Oncologist in the next few weeks.  We really appreciate all of our friends and family who have reached out to us.  If we haven't responded, or you felt like we were short, just know that we love and appreciate you, but we are extremely overwhelmed.  We just don't know what to say, and it's hard to talk about at this stage in the game.  I know this goes without saying because y'all are my people and you know how this works, but please continue to remember us, our families, and anyone who comes in contact with Matt's case in your prayers.

xo- Kellie