Life with Helen

My heart is broken.  This isn't any easier the second time around.  It's still something I never wanted to share, but this is the reality of cancer.  This is why there are check-ins and various tests and scans.  I will start at the beginning for those of you who aren't aware.  Matt was diagnosed with small bowel adenocarcinoma in October of 2017.  He had surgery to remove the tumor followed by 6 months of chemotherapy.  Matt's scans, up until this month, have been great.  He has had clear scopes, clear CT scans, and perfect bloodwork.  However, at his one year appointment, the PET scan showed something entirely different.  There were several spots that "lit up," and the biopsies from his laparoscopy all came back positive for adenocarcinoma...again. *big sigh* If you're scratching your head and asking yourself how this is possible, join the club.  Basically, cancer cells are tiny little boogers, and sometimes they escape the chemo ...

This is going to be a short one because I simply don't have much to say.  I really wanted to write a super cute Mother’s Day post, but instead we are still waiting for some good news about Matt.   I had hoped that I’d be better at waiting by now. I thought maybe the whole cancer experience would make me more patient...more faithful, maybe? Instead, I seem to grow more impatient.  Honestly, I can't even begin to articulate the frustration of this process, but waiting is definitely the hardest part.  I am a doer and a fixer, so I need answers.   Even if it’s not the answer I want, at least it allows me to act. This waiting part makes me feel so helpless. Of course, people are concerned and asking for updates, so I'll cut to the chase.  The doctors couldn’t get what they needed from the scans or the biopsy they did last week, so next week Matt will have a laparoscopy to look around in there. Obviously, given Matt’s medical history, they’re concerned, and w...

This has been a tough week.  It feels a lot like the white walkers have broken through the fire trenches and are scaling my castle walls.  If you don't watch Game of Thrones you may not completely understand the reference, but I think you know what I mean. There's a reason we say "when it rains it pours," and it's not necessarily because it's true.  When bad things happen, dealing with them individually isn't exactly fun, but it's manageable.  Then something else happens, then something else, and suddenly it's pouring!  I know that overwhelming feeling that catapults us into the "my life sucks" mindset.  When you feel like things aren't going well, the smallest thing can be the nail in the coffin- forgetting to put a stamp on a letter, spilling a drink in your car, a drip of cheese dip on your new shirt - THAT'S IT. WORST DAY EVER - when in reality, any one of those things would be no big deal on a normal day.  This is what my w...