Don’t Be A (Little) Debbie Downer

My best friend, Brittany, and I have been talking about doing a blog takeover for almost a year, and if you were at my wedding to hear her MOH speech, you know she is an extremely talented writer and speaker - although she would never admit it.  I asked IG for post suggestions this week, and got a text that her blog takeover post was ready! I am absolutely, positively elated to share this with you all.  I AM SO PROUD of her for so many reasons - for writing this beautiful post - for being so vulnerable and honest - and for being an amazing mom, woman, and friend.  SO, without further ado, we present "Don't Be A (Little) Debbie Downer...

Almost a year ago when I decided to start making my mental and physical health more of a priority. I fantasized about writing a blog when I finally made it “to the other side” because I wanted to share my journey.  I think Kellie has done a beautiful job of getting her stories and experiences out there while being very open and honest about her feelings, and I think that makes people relate to her.  Everyone only posts the perfect moments of their life, and I think it’s time for us to share the not so perfect moments as well.

In October 2018, I posted the first “selfie” I had taken in over a year!  I opened up a little bit about my struggles of being a mother, and the outpouring of comments from other women struggling was unreal.  I hope that the things that I say will help anyone that is struggling with depression, anxiety, or a negative body image.

I made a lot of excuses as to why I couldn’t change my lifestyle.  I blamed my son for making me “fat,” and I am pretty sure I muttered the words “he ruined me” on several occasions…then I’d go eat 3 snicker bars for dinner.  I blamed my fiancé, Brandon, for not giving me time to work out, but I never ACTUALLY told him I wanted to go to the gym.  I guess he was supposed to suggest it?  We all know that would’ve worked in his favor!  I blamed birth control for making me gaining weight, and that is still up for discussion because I ate little Debbie cakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, so I am still unsure of what the culprit was there! 

Social media can be your worst enemy.  At least it was for me.  The jealousy of seeing women who had it together or looked better than me after they had their kids would overtake me. (If that sounds like you, sorry, but you probably got unfollowed because I’m irrational.  No hard feelings!) I think it's important to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to love yourself again.  If it means going to the Medispa and cashing in on the Phentermine- you do you, Mama!  If you have to unfollow a b**** because her snapback was better than yours, you do it, Mama!  If you need to take some medication to hit the “reset” button so that you can be yourself again, DO IT, Mama!

I was in a bad place - I am talking crying in the closet anytime I put on clothing that wasn’t sweatpants, but I was still buying a freaking Swiss Roll every time I was near a gas station (and there are a LOT of gas stations!)  I swear I would buy the dang snack cake, eat it in my vehicle parked in the dark back corner of the gas station, and hide the packaging in my console because I was so embarrassed about how many I had eaten.  Also, shout out to Brandon who was the real MVP because I know he saw them and didn’t say a word!

How do I change? What can I do to change? Why is it easier for all the other moms and not me?  Enter Phentermine- A chubby chick’s Suboxone.  Before I begin to explain, I want to say that I am in no way, shape, or form advocating for diet pills, but I feel this is important for everyone to know and understand.  I was desperate.  It was the only thing I felt like I could do to help with my problem of slamming a snack cake every time I came in contact with one.  I want to make sure that I am upfront and open about how I began to lose my weight because, unfortunately, a lot of women aren’t.  I appreciate the women who told me that they took a diet pill to lose their weight, and for those of you that use them and don’t tell people, its bulls***.  It gives women unrealistic expectations.  Just be REAL.  Don’t claim to be on this big health kick and act like a personal trainer when you took medication to help with your weight loss.  I could easily post a before and after photo and claim to have worked hard and lost weight, but in all reality I really didn’t.  I took a medication that made my mouth so dry (like Sponge Bob when he is hanging out with Sandy in her treedome without his H20 filled helmet.)  I had to drink so much water that it filled me up, and made me forget I was hungry.  I don’t recommend it, and there are healthier options, but I refuse to lie to people or make them think that I had these results by anything other than what I actually did.

Now for some pet peeves I came across while I was on this “journey” of mine.

1. Don’t assume because someone is out of shape that they do not know how to be in shape.  -  I was an athlete my entire life, and a pretty good one...well, except for those years in college when I discovered beer.  I turned into more of a mediocre athlete, but that’s neither here nor there. - No RAGRATS! ANYWAY, it’s rude to give unsolicited advice on how I can “get back into shape.” Everyone KNOWS how to lose weight.  It’s not rocket science.  You eat the chicken and vegetables, and you do physical activity.  Also, there’s Pinterest if you need to know anything else.  So, unless someone asks you directly to help them with nutrition and workouts, just don’t go there.

2. Fitness bloggers and direct sales people - don’t target women because they recently had a baby.   -  My inbox BLEW UP after I had my son from people I hadn’t spoken to in years telling me all about their diet programs.  If I want anything you’re selling, I will come to you.  Also, I work for the state so I can’t afford the s*** you’re selling anyway.

3.  The half-naked photos with “motivational speeches." -  Let's cut the crap.  You look good in the picture and want to show it off, WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE!  I miss the good ‘ol days on MySpace when someone thought they looked good in a post, so they’d slap some Nickelback lyrics on the caption with a <3 and call it a day!  I PROMISE, your post telling me that I can do it with some hard work and discipline does not do a thing for me...and that’s all I have to say about that. (Forrest Gump voice)

Not long ago, Kellie posted a very personal blog about how she dealt with losing her best friend at a difficult age that touched a lot of people.  I applaud her for being open and honest about how she dealt with her depression, and it certainly inspired me to open up about my struggles.  There was a long time where I wasn’t myself after I had Tucker.  I thought that because I didn’t want to harm myself or my son that I didn’t have depression, so I ignored it.  I didn’t engage in conversation with people anymore. I didn’t want to hang out with my friends.  The slightest thing that didn’t go my way was the end of the world.  I saw posts from moms of three children on Facebook that had it together, but I couldn’t even handle one child?  I thought I was a horrible mother.  It affected my relationships with several people, including the ones closest to me.  I finally decided to take that step.  I found a doctor I trusted and talked about how I was feeling. I suffered from postpartum depression that wasn’t treated, and it quickly spiraled into depression and anxiety.  She explained to me that sometimes, you just need to hit the “reset” button after any kind of traumatic event or major change.  That’s what I did. I hit the reset button, and I am finally the Brittany that I once was. I was so miserable for so long I forgot what it was like to be me. 

The other night, I caught myself dancing and singing to music all alone while I was washing dishes.  It sounds ridiculous, but it had been so long since I had done anything like that.  It was truly a beautiful moment for me.  There are a couple of photos that I would like to share just to better understand how important mental health and self-love is.  The first photo was the first time I tried on wedding dresses.  I couldn’t even crack a smile.  I was so uncomfortable and upset at what was supposed to be a great and fun experience.  I was broken.  Fast forward to the second time I went dress shopping about 5 months after I started working on myself.  I don’t even believe it looks like I’ve lost weight between the two, but this second girl - she’s glowing.  The most important transformation you can go through is on the inside.

“I hope one day your human body is not a jail cell- instead it’s a sunny 2 pm garden with daisies thriving because of self-love.” - Alexa Evangelista

There is no right or wrong.  Do WHATEVER it takes to love yourself again.  I hope that whoever is struggling with their body image, depression, or anxiety reads this and finds comfort in knowing that you’re not alone.  Be easy on yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  You can and will change - when you’re ready.  Step away from social media, if you must.  Step away from people that make you feel like crap - even if it’s not intentional.  Reach out and talk to people that you trust about your struggles.  Everyone gets so caught up in the physical transformations, so I hope it helps to hear this from a girl who is not where she wants to be, but is still content.  This girl now a positive outlook, and will get to where she wants to be.

I hope someone needed to read this as much as I needed to write it.  Godspeed.

XoXo- Brittany