Life with Helen

I don't know if you've noticed, but people are in the Christmas spirit wayyyy early this year! Myself included! I don't know what it is, but I like it! I'm not sure if it's the fact that we are transitioning into the holiday season or not, but it seems like I am hearing people say things about God. Some true, but mostly false. Sometimes I think people "bash" God to make themselves feel better about what's going on in their lives. Stay with me. It's like if you buy a new phone, and your friend gets a better phone, so you talk it down to make you feel better about yours. Does that make sense? No? Okay, well it does to me. Back to what I was saying. It occurred to me the other day that God has a PR problem. I majored in Marketing, so I took classes that covered everything from Advertising to Accounting, so I know a little about Public Relations. In case you don't, I'll explain. In a nutshell, PR is managing the spread of information about some

I LOVE Halloween! The whole concept of Halloween is just fabulous. I mean, what's not to love? You get to dress up in costume, parade around while people tell you how cute/scary/funny you are, and then you receive candy from total strangers. Brilliant. My sister absolutely loves Halloween, which is surprising because she hates scary things! She can't even see a scary movie preview on TV without having nightmares! In fact, Earnest Scared Stupid gave Tara terrible nightmares! I think the only Halloween movies that she can handle are Hocus Pocus(of course) and Donald Duck Halloween. I like scary movies, but I hate being scared in real life. There is nothing that could convince me to go into one of those haunted trails or mazes...ever. Lucky for us, Halloween has a lot of traditions that aren't scary! Jumping through piles of leaves, carving pumpkins, eating seeds, drinking various pumpkin flavored lattes, eating all of the candy before Trick or Treaters come, so you have to go

Last night was beyond anything we could've imagined! Such an outpouring of love from our community! Thank you so much to everyone that made this night so special for my dad! We are truly blessed!  Dad with his current and former players!   My Family <3  Banner signed by all former players    This will hang in the new Jeff Lewis Field House!  Dad with his awesome cake! 

Tomorrow night is my dad's very last home game as George Washington Middle School's head football coach! So first of all, I want to encourage everyone to come out, eat a hotdog, and enjoy a good game! 6:00, be there or be square! It sounds so cliche, but my dad's retirement truly is bittersweet. My dad has been "Coach Lewis" since before my sister and I even thought about being born. I think about 30 years of coaching all together. It's hard to believe that our Thursday nights won't include hearing a play by play of the big game! For those of you who don't know, being a coach is a hard job. Any coach will tell you that. You have to have thick skin to deal with the criticism because EVERYONE seems to think they can do your job better than you, when in reality, most can't. Coaching takes a lot, and I mean A LOT, of time, effort, and knowledge of the game. You have to know your team and each of your players and find an offense that fits their strengt

It's been a few weeks since I've written, and that is because life has been quite interesting! As most of you know, I work for USDA Rural Development aka the federal government, so I haven't been able to work for a couple of weeks. Thank goodness for Zumba or else I would be broke and bored out of my mind! Luckily, my birthday was this past Thursday, and since I celebrate for about a week and a half (maybe more) the shutdown came at the perfect time! Also, I was helping to plan a Zumbathon, which can be pretty time consuming, so I really haven't had a chance to sit around and mope! My Zumba friends and I did a Think Pink Zumbathon at the Huntington Mall to benefit breast cancer! You have no idea the planning these things take! I mean we sat at Panera Bread for HOURS...mostly stuffing our faces and gossiping, but that's beside the point! We couldn't believe how easily things came together! The event went extremely well, and I think the participants had fun! Th

I’ve thought long and hard about this blog. I don’t want to sound proud or boastful, and I don’t want to sound like I’m lecturing. I just want to share these thoughts and maybe make a point. As women, we all have things about ourselves we don’t love and often try to change. Our butts are huge; we have thunder thighs, or worst of all, the dreaded booty-do. This is when your belly sticks out further than your booty do. It doesn’t matter if you’re a body builder or a couch potato, there is something you want to improve upon or make better. I’ve never been skinny. I’ve always been bigger than my friends, but that has never stopped me from being who I am. Throughout my entire life I have exercised, played various sports, and I still love being active. I am extremely healthy, and I have blood work and doctor records to prove it! However; as I grow older I am quickly realizing that weight is just going to be something that I struggle with, and I am completely at peace with that. I love ex

My favorite part of any award show is the Red Carpet. I like the E! Red Carpet coverage because I think Giuliana Rancic, Kelly Osborne, and Ross Matthews actually know what they're talking about...most of the time. This year I got carried away with my Beauticontrol Tierra Azul bath milk and warming face mask that I completely forgot and missed it! Thank heavens for DVR! I love award shows and pageants so much mainly because it involves two of my favorite things, dressing up and judging people. ;p KIDDING...kind of. There are very few celebrities that I don't like, and I usually think my favorites are the best dressed and my least favorites are worst dressed. For example, that slut, Angelina Jolie, could wear a burlap sack or the most stunning Marchesa, and I would say she looked like a dirty "concubine" either way. This year was a little different. Some of my favorite actresses were showing up in gowns that my Mamaw would use as curtains. Without further ado, my best

It seems like when I was in pre-school I was constantly trying to find ways to drive Helen crazy. I promise it wasn't intentional! Anyway, I had never had a haircut before, but I had seen plenty, and it looked like entirely too much fun! I decided that it had to happen. The next day, I waited until just the right moment. Helen was busy around the house and keeping an eye on me, as she always did because it was absolutely imperative that she did. Just then the telephone rang, and these were the days when you had to stand at the phone because there were no cordless phones! It was my Nanny! Yes, this meant she would be talking for at least an hour! I grabbed the scissors, and started chopping away at my blond locks! It was so much fun, and then Helen turned around. Uh oh. She was furious, but it was too late. The damage was done. Helen then had no choice but to take me to get my first OFFICIAL haircut. I looked like Peter Pan for quite a while. In fact, we were watching a home video o

I LOVE my dog, Ozzie, an unreasonable amount.  More than most humans.  I mean it.  I would take a bullet for Oz over almost everyone I know, except maybe like 15 people.  Sorry if you're not one of them.  Because I am so obsessed with him, I completely overindulge him.  He is so spoiled that I need a new word for it.  He gets special treats and food.  He sleeps in bed, under the covers, with his head on his own pillow.  He goes for at least 3 walks a day.  I come home from work at lunch time everyday to check on him.  The list goes on and on.  Recently, I have had several meetings scheduled on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I have convinced Helen and Jeff to go pick him up on those days and I pick him up from their house after Zumba.  It is ridiculous, I know. Since he spends at least 2 days a week with his grandparents, he has grown pretty fond of them, as well as cousin Yogie.  As soon as we pull into Null Addition, my old stomping grounds, he FREAKS OUT.  Thank goodness there is nev

After working and eating lunch in Cross Lanes for over 5 years, I've grown pretty tired of most of the restaurants.  Also, I am a "you screw up my food, I kill your family" kind of girl, so many restaurants just aren't up the the Kellie standards anymore.  I always LOVE La Roca, and I can tolerate a few others, but I really, really love the buffalo chicken salad at Buffalo Wild Wings.  So, when Helen gets a wild hair and decides to come meet me for lunch, sometimes we like to go there.  Now, we have been there several times before this incident, so she should definitely know better. We walk in BW3s and are greeted by the host, wearing his Buffalo Wild Wings football jersey uniform, as they always do.  Helen, a devout Buffalo High School fan, shouts out, "Look, Kellie, Buffalo!"  I turned around and gave her the "Really, Helen?" look.  She put her hands on her hips and said, "Ugh, Kellie, I know it's the professional team.  I'm not stu

This was Ozzie's reaction to me coming home from vacation!  He is the cutest (and so is Helen haha)! He would run like that forever if we would let him! :)

I had a fabulous vacation, and I am REALLY NOT LOVING this whole work thing.  I've already been on my Employee Personal Page mapping out my retirement plan.  I'm thinking Beaufort would be lovely! I'm not going to really "blog" as much as describe some pictures. I went to Emerald Isle with Matt's family again, but this time with more family!  I ate, and I ate, and I ate some more.  I really thought I was going explode at some point.  It was so fab.  The picture of Matt and me on the left is at the Sanitary Fish Market, and the picture of the girls on the right is at Port of Call (which is probably my favorite place to eat in the entire world. SO good.)  And check out that sunset! Gorgeous! Matt took me golfing, which was fun for awhile, but then it started to get hot.  I decided that we needed a picture before the hair went up and I turned into a nasty, sweaty mess.  I promise, I really tried, but there were some holes that were just not going to happen.  O

After my Helen Dictionary post, I received a few more Helenisms from some different people.  Needless to say, I feel that a part 2 is completely necessary! Crank up onto - Crochet, pronounced "Crotch-it" Ex.  Don't start the movie yet! I have to get my blanket to crank up onto. Wicker Wacker - Male anatomy. Once again, I don't think an explanation is necessary. War Paint - Make-up. Ex.  I'm not ready!  I haven't even put my war paint on! Boobs - Bra. Ex.  I took my boobs off and hung them on the doorknob. Easy Britches - Sweat pants. Ex. Go put your easy britches on and come watch this with me! These are some common phrases that Helen often uses or says incorrectly. Growing up, I cannot tell you how many times Helen told Tara and I that we were "sucking the life right out of her." The correct expression is "Hawk eyes and rabbit ears," but Helen always says "Hawk ears and rabbit eyes." You never have an attit

Okay guys, don't say I didn't warn you.  I really thought long and hard about this one because it is SUPER embarrassing, but I have finally been talked into writing this blog.  Here goes nothing... My sister, Tara, is five years older than me.  As the little sister, I, of course, always wanted whatever Tara had.  If Tara got blue jean overalls, I begged Helen to get me a pair.  If Tara got a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy, I wanted a turtle as well, even though I didn't even like them.  As Tara got older and into her teenage years, it became harder to copy her.  Out of nowhere, Tara got boobs.  It didn't take long for me to take one of Helen's sport bras and stuff it with socks.  I was no amateur.  I could hang. Until one day, I noticed something new in our bathroom.  There were these giant padded stickers.  I opened one up, and tossed away the pink, plastic wrapper, peeled off the back and stuck it on my belly.  "Huh? Weird?" I thought.  I continu

I really am on the blogging bandwagon these days!  I love it!  Especially now that I'm not in school, and not writing papers all the time!  Now that I think about it, school takes the fun out of writing and reading period.  It's just not so fun to read books that someone else picks out for you and write papers about economics and business strategy.  Since I graduated, I've been a literary machine!  Do you have the Audible App?  Get the Audible App!  I LOVEEEE the Audible App!  I listen to books in my car, in the bathtub, while I clean.  It's fabulous! I really wish more people would give blogging a chance!  There are so many things to blog about!  It doesn't have to be like a journal where you tell what you did that day or about your life.  I like to share my childhood stories with everyone, but it doesn't have to be about your life.  You can blog about cooking and recipes, heath and fitness, your hobby, your pet, anything!  While I think it's fun to tell e

     If I had to describe Jeff Lewis in one word, it would be patient.  He has been forced to live with three very opinionated and outspoken women for a very long time.  I can't tell you how many times I've seen my dad look up into the sky and say "Lord, how much does a man have to take?"  So, In honor of Father's Day, I have a collection of Jeff stories!  Enjoy!      My dad is pretty handy at fixing things around the house, but sometimes he has to enlist one of us to help.  It used to be Helen, but now it is ALWAYS me or Tara.  I could get this wrong, because it was when Helen and dad were newly married, but they were remodeling the house.  We have, well had, beautiful hardwood floors that Helen wanted to "help" dad stain.  Well, before they even got started, Helen knocked the bucket of stain over and ruined the floor.  Still, to this day we have carpet in that room.      Helen also tried to help him snake the toilet once.  He told her to hold on to the

I am beginning to realize how much Tara and I are like mom.  It seems like with each year we age, we pick up more and more Helen-isms.  The worst part is that we hear them so often, we don't even realize we're saying them, or that the people we are talking to have no idea what we're talking about.  So, with the help of my family and close friends, I will now define these Helen-isms. Diddy Wadded - To get ready or dressed up. Ex. Jeff - Where is Kellie?       Helen - She's in there getting diddy wadded for dinner. Horsed - To leave with some sort of attitude. Happy, sad, angry, whatever. Ex.  Jeff - Where is Kellie?        Helen - She just horsed on out of here with her keys. Puttywaw - Female anatomy. I don't think an explanation is necessary. Slinging 'em around like sausages - When you are driving too fast, or taking turns too fast. Ex.  Slow down, Kellie, you're slinging 'em around like sausages back here! Plunk a Piani - Playing a Pia

While I love celebrating Helen on Mother's Day, I think it's just a cool holiday for women in general.  We celebrate our moms, grandmas, sisters, aunts, nieces, friends, and just women in general.  I am extremely lucky to be surrounded by strong, independent, intelligent women of all ages, so I just want to say thank you to them for influencing my life in one way or another.