#CouplesGoals

Dave and Rachel Hollis.  Chip and Joanna Gaines.  John Legend and Chrissy Teigen.  John Krasinski and Emily Blunt.  Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. *insert praise hands emoji*  All of these couples fall under the #couplesgoals category for me.  I read their tweets, watch them on livestreams, TV shows, interviews, and IG stories, and each time I turn into the human embodiment of the heart eye emoji.  I can't help but tap through their stories and think to myself "Wow, they have everything."  They have beautiful families, gorgeous homes, amazing wardrobes, the best jobs - they are happy, beautiful, rich, and all-in-all LIVING. THE. DREAM.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I’ve fantasized about what it would be like to live in that world.  Wouldn't it be incredible to run a multi-million dollar company from the comfort of my home with my husband by my side leading the charge?  Wouldn't it be fun to spend weeks in a gorgeous resort where my EGOT-winning husband writes and performs a jingle about my headband for my Instagram story everyday?  What if my husband thought so highly of me and my talent that he wrote a movie and cast me as the lead role, for which I win awards while he sits in the audience glowing with pride?  I'm not making any of that up - those are all real life scenarios for the people I listed.  Sometimes it was really hard to look at the hand we were dealt and not feel a slight tinge of jealousy.

One of the hardest days of Matt's whole cancer ordeal was the day they did his first port surgery.  Up until that point Matt had been pretty calm about everything, but for some reason that was the day that it got REAL.  I think it was the first time he realized that cancer was actually happening.  It wasn't talk anymore.  We barely had a chance to even think about it.  It felt as if we stepped off the plane and into the surgical suite.  I think it's safe to say that we were all on edge.  Everything went fine with the surgery, but it was as if Matt had left the building and Mr. Hyde had inhabited his body.  I'll spare all the details, but everything I said was wrong or stupid.  I barely made into the house, up the stairs, and into the bathroom before I lost it.  I sat in the floor and sobbed.  I remember thinking in that moment "I can't do this.  We can't do this.  There is no way our marriage is going to survive this."  After the hysterical crying subsided, I sat in our tiny townhouse bathroom with my back against the tub and my legs stretched out on either side of the toilet.  I was exhausted on all fronts, and with my head hanging I said "Why us, God?  Why would you do this to us?"

I think every couple probably has a major life event that either makes them or breaks them, and cancer was definitely (one of) ours.  I'm not a relationship expert by any means, but I do know that walking together through undoubtedly the most challenging, miserable, emotionally painful experience we've ever encountered has made us better people, both individually and as a couple.  Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy.  It was hard work.  There were a lot of snippy comments and times we were forced to bite our tongues.  We apologized when we didn't want to and let things go before we were ready.  In one way it feels like we've been married 100 years, but it also feels like we are newlyweds.  Yes, we were robbed of those first couple of fun, care-free years of marriage, but we have so many more ahead.  Honestly, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter.  Time, money, things - all insignificant.  None of that is what makes you #couplesgoals.  Who else would you rather weather the storm with?  Who else would you rather celebrate with?  If there isn't anyone else on the planet that you'd rather do life with, then pat yourself on the back because you are #couplesgoals.

So let's stop with the comparisons and judgment - both of others and ourselves.  If another relationship doesn't look like ours that doesn't make our relationship any less special, and it doesn't make our love story any less epic.  Find what works for you, and do that without concern for what is happening elsewhere.  We are not living in a rom-com.  We are not models posing in an IG photo shoot (I mean, I like to think I am, but that's beside the point.)  We are not celebrities.  We are real people with real problems, real struggles.  We are also real people with real happiness, real laughter.  So while I am happy for the Hollis' and Gaines', I am also happy for us and for you because we, too, are #couplesgoals.

xo- Kellie

Images by: BEK Photography