You're Actually NOT Dying, It's Just A Stomach Bug

That's right, I was certain the time had come, and I was meeting my maker this weekend.  The icy breath of death was upon my neck.  The white light was in the far off distance.  BUT as it turns out, it was just a virus!  I think it was karma for telling all of Facebook to stay away from my niece until this nasty stuff passes, but now I REALLY MEAN IT.
I felt fine all day Saturday until I noticed a sharp pain in my stomach.  I mentioned it to Matt, then WebMD'd it and found out that it was either indigestion or cancer.  No biggie.  The pain {sort of} subsided, at least enough that I thought I would be fine to go out with my friends for NYE.  We got ready and went to Charles' apartment in Charleston for the festivities.  After about 1/2 a drink, I started to feel VERY queasy.  I tried to just ignore it as we headed downtown, but it was hard to ignore after we were packed like sardines in a tiny bar.  It was hot, and there was an extremely inebriated college aged girl head-banging to "Come On Eileen" beside me.  I quickly realized that I am too old for that ish!  Nonetheless, I waited for the clock to strike midnight, and had my first New Years kiss with my husband.  NO, WE DIDN'T GET ANY PICTURES OF OUR FIRST MARRIED CHRISTMAS OR NEW YEARS. AND YES, I'M SALTY ABOUT IT.
After that, I was D-O-N-E. I decided to call a cab, but that took an eternity.  While I was still waiting for said cab Matt and his friends decided it was time for them to hit the bricks too, and their Uber got there first. -_-
I BARELY made it into the bathroom at Charles' apartment before the virus had caught up with me.  Matt took me home, I slept most of the way to avoid getting sick in the car, (yes, that has happened before. Oopsie.) By the time I got home the virus was in full swing, and I was in the bathroom...

No joke I think that had to be the sickest I have ever been.  I just told Matt to amscray until I could kick whatever it was that had invaded my delicate little body.  I knew that if it was this bad for me, it would darn near kill a man.  (LADIESSS, AM I RITE!? ;)
I was finally able to hold down some crackers by mid-Sunday, but I couldn't get out of bed.  My entire body felt sore, like I had been stampeded by a band of gorillas.  It was so bad that I couldn't even bring myself to watch my newly beloved show, Gossip Girl, on Netflix because I was afraid they would be eating something. [[SIDE BAR]] - If you watched Gossip Girl when it was on the air and didn't ever think to say "Hey Kell, this show is right up your ally! You should watch it!" then you are dead to me.
Moving on.  Monday, which was supposed to be my day off, ended up being another sick day where I just didn't want to move.  Matt got me out of the house for a couple of hours, but I was riding the struggle bus.  I ended up having to call in sick Tuesday because by then a cold had tacked itself onto my already weak, failing, fragile, virus-ed body.  I felt that I still couldn't function normally in public.

So, in closing...

Dear 2017,

It is now Wednesday, January 4th, and I am just wondering when this year is going to start being awesome? That is all.  If someone could get back with me that would be great.  K Thx.

Sincerely,

I'm Salty That I Didn't Get To Start My Shiny New Life On January 1st.


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