That one time when Tara almost killed me...

That's right, my beloved sister almost sent me plummeting to my death!  But before I tell this story, I feel it's only fair to tell you that Tara and I have VERY different stories about the events that happened this day.  I, of course, am right.

It was a cold, snowy day in Null Addition, and Tara and I were starting to feel the effects of the Christmas hangover.  Not that kind of hangover, we were children! What kind of parents do you think Helen and Jeff are!?  No, the Christmas hangover is that feeling of bleh.  The presents have been opened, the food has been eaten, Santa was vacationing somewhere tropical after his big night around the world, and we were left to help put away the decorations, which we thought was a cruel and unusual form of punishment.

Helen suggested we go play in the snow.  Now, anyone that knows me knows that I LOATHE the outdoors.  I can tolerate the beach, but I hate the sand.  I just don't like nature.  It's too uncertain and too out of my control.  I would much rather stay indoors, drink hot chocolate, eat leftover Christmas candies, and watch TV, but nooooooo.  Tara insisted we go sledding.

After bundling up in ridiculous snow gear, I could barely move my arms and legs.  I felt like the Michelin man.  We began our short hike across the street to the small hill overlooking the riverbank.  Another reason I hated playing in the snow was the fact that it's too cold to not wear the snowsuit, but you still swelter inside of it.  Sweat was pouring out of me and I was NOT happy about the conditions I was forced to play in.  There were two small hills and a large flat area before the drop off.  Tara had gone down the hill several times, making a slick path for us to ride on.  Tara always had to be so fancy about it, riding down backwards, on her belly, and face first.  I honestly hated sledding for the simple fact that I didn't want to walk back up the hill after riding down.  I know, that's silly, but let's be honest.  The ride wasn't that great to hike up a hill repeatedly.

After riding down the hill a couple times together, I decided it was time for me to go it alone.  Tara gave me a push and off I went!  It wasn't too bad, but I was quickly approaching the edge of the riverbank.  I started to panic and scream, and Tara was shouting from the top of the hill "PUT YOUR FEET DOWN, STOP WITH YOUR FEET," but it was too late.  Next thing I knew, I was air born!  The wind was whipping through what little hair stuck out beneath my over sized toboggan. I was overcome with panic and fear!

I landed at the edge of the river with a loud "Thud," thank God I was not IN the river.  That would have been really ugly.  My tailbone was throbbing as I looked around at the dirty water and mud that surrounded me.  I thought I was a goner!  I would be one of those people that Big John told stories about! An old, scary woman, haunting the riverside of Null Addition night after night.  The drop off from the hill to the riverbank was only about 6 feet, but it might as well have been 50 feet to me.  I was in a mad panic, crying and yelling for Tara.  She runs down to the ledge and looks over to see me, hysterical.  Once she saw that I was alright, she laughed at me.  HOW DARE SHE LAUGH!?  She had sent me off a cliff, I nearly died, and she was laughing.  I was infuriated.

"HELP ME!!" I shouted between sobs.  Tara was small and athletic, I was just the opposite.  Needless to say, we had several failed rescue attempts, but Tara refused to go get our parents.  She tried pulling me up with her hands, but that of course would never work.  She decided she could climb out, so she jumped down on the bank and pushed my butt up until I could get me leg on to the ground and pull myself over.  It made me even more mad that she just popped right up after my struggle.

Before a word was spoken, Tara could tell by the look in my eye.  I was going to tell.  I turned to run up the hill and before I knew it my face was planted in the snow and Tara was on my back yelling, "Don't you dare tell them!!"  When Tara and I fought, we usually bribed one another with toys and agreeing to play the others favorite game in exchange for secrecy.  I can't remember the bribe now, but I'm sure it involved playing Pretty Pretty Princess or letting me play with her My Little Ponies in the bathtub.  We agreed on something, took our sleds, and marched back up to our house.  We had barely reached the door before I whined, "MOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!"

Tara was furious with me, and it was a long time before we ever struck a deal again, which was unfortunate for me because Helen and Dad thought it was just as funny as she did.  If you ask Tara about this story she will deny every bit of it, I'm sure, but it's the truth!  I think this very story is the only reason I hate playing in the snow.