Let's Do This, 2020!

This year hasn't exactly gone as planned, and I think you know why.  We are currently experiencing some very low lows and some very high highs at the exact same time, and sometimes it's hard to keep up with this roller coaster of emotions we seem to be trapped on.
We started 2019 on top of the world.  Well, after my very extended Christmas vacation (better known as the furlough) ended.  I was excited to focus on growing my blogging into a real business.  I had taken all the steps to become the assistant cheer coach at my alma mater.  We had moved into our new house.  We took a celebratory trip to Disney World.  We [thought] we had beat cancer.  All in all, we were fully prepared to start our fresh, shiny, new lives.  Then, at Matt's 6 month check-in, his scans showed that the cancer was not only still there, but had spread to other places.  It was devastating.  And terrifying.  Even more devastating and terrifying than the first time.  To say we felt defeated and hopeless would be an understatement.  We had our moment, we cried our tears, and then we got on with it.  Matt started back on receiving chemotherapy every 2 weeks in June, and will continue until the cancer is gone.  We don't know when that will be, we don't know what that will take, but we do know that we are fighting an uphill battle, and losing is not an option because in the midst of all the turmoil and pain, we found out that we would welcome a little boy in February.  
I have a baby name list as long as my arm for girls, but I only had a handful of boy names I liked.  Logan, nor Rhys were on that list, but when Matt said it we knew it was the one. (Also, there seems to be some confusion with Rhys - it is not "rice" lol)  Yes, Matt picked the name!  And no, there is no special meaning like "warrior" or "God's gift" because to be honest, we don't want Logan's life to be linked to this really terrible time.  We want to look at him and feel happiness, not remember a really difficult path our family walked together.
While we are trying to anticipate what life will be like having a newborn and dealing with chemotherapy, we are so excited and ready to start this new season of life.  We desperately needed it.  When you are dealing with cancer, it is hard to not replace future plans with big question marks.  We don't know what the future holds, but we prayed for a sign that this was temporary and that we do have a future, and I believe deep down in my heart that Logan is God's sign that everything will be okay.  
I don't have any resolutions or deep, meaningful advice for anyone going into this new year, but I sure hope that whatever 2020 has in store for you and me is great.  I hope that this year is full of joy, adventure, love, success, wealth, growth, peace, and all the other good things life has to offer.  Wishing you the most wonderful new year!

xo - Kellie

Comments

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