My Tips and Tricks for Faking Sick/Injuries
As a little girl, I was quite the drama queen, and some of you will probably argue that I still am. I AM NOT! I loved attention. Let me say this again, I LOVED attention. I found that being sick or injured got you a lot of that.
I started out with the classic "I don't feel good, my belly hurts," but that only worked for a short amount of time before Helen wised up to what I was doing. I knew I had to take action if I wanted to be taken seriously. So, I would wake up in the morning and do some exercises to get myself into character. Think of something sad to get the watery-teared look in my eyes, and then jump around so that I would be warm, maybe even getting some perspiration on my forehead. I would moan to Helen about how sick I was and she would keep me home from school. This method was good for now, but I knew I could do better.
My second grade year of school was a particularly rough year for me. I hated my teacher, and I was miserable in her class. She was rude and mean, and I dreaded having to converse with her in any way at all. Which was really sad because I have always loved school, especially reading, and she really put a damper on it for me. It wasn't until 5th grade that my grades went back to where they had been previously. Anywho, because I hated her and school so much, I faked sick at least once a week to avoid it. This was when I developed my best skills.
One that I tried, but it failed miserably was the fake throw up. The night before I would be sure to eat something in front of Helen, like a banana. I would then grab a banana, some water, and what we called "the throw up bucket" and go into my bedroom. I would mash and mix and then make noises like I was sick, but, unfortunately, Helen was too smart for that one.
Another trick that worked a few times was running a washcloth under hot water and then laying it on my forehead while I ran the thermometer under the hot water and returned it to the cabinet. I would have mom feel my head and then run in and get the hot thermometer so I would have a slight fever of 99.9 degrees!
Unfortunately faking sick was getting harder and harder. This was when I decided it was time to play with the big dogs and fake an injury. We ran and played outside a lot, so it wasn't uncommon that we would twist our ankles or get stung by bees. One day I came home limping, claiming I hurt my ankle. I went to bed and woke the next day to a regular looking ankle. I knew this would not do. I grabbed some of my eye shadows from my pretty princess make-up kit and played make-up artist on my ankle. I powdered on some blues and browns so that it looked bruised, and limped through the house to show Helen. It worked! They were pretty convinced that it was sprained and I got to stay home that day! The next day I still wasn't ready to go back to school, so I claimed it was even worse. They took me to the doctor for an X-Ray, which of course revealed there was nothing wrong. I was so proud of myself, although little did I know the doctor and Helen had a chat. I thought I was homefree until Helen started talking about cancelling my birthday party, which was the next day.
It was a miracle! I could walk again! Helen and Jeff were pretty mad after that one, and I started to lay off on my faking. Once I had cleared second grade, I was in the clear and I no longer needed to fake sick anyway!
I started out with the classic "I don't feel good, my belly hurts," but that only worked for a short amount of time before Helen wised up to what I was doing. I knew I had to take action if I wanted to be taken seriously. So, I would wake up in the morning and do some exercises to get myself into character. Think of something sad to get the watery-teared look in my eyes, and then jump around so that I would be warm, maybe even getting some perspiration on my forehead. I would moan to Helen about how sick I was and she would keep me home from school. This method was good for now, but I knew I could do better.
My second grade year of school was a particularly rough year for me. I hated my teacher, and I was miserable in her class. She was rude and mean, and I dreaded having to converse with her in any way at all. Which was really sad because I have always loved school, especially reading, and she really put a damper on it for me. It wasn't until 5th grade that my grades went back to where they had been previously. Anywho, because I hated her and school so much, I faked sick at least once a week to avoid it. This was when I developed my best skills.
One that I tried, but it failed miserably was the fake throw up. The night before I would be sure to eat something in front of Helen, like a banana. I would then grab a banana, some water, and what we called "the throw up bucket" and go into my bedroom. I would mash and mix and then make noises like I was sick, but, unfortunately, Helen was too smart for that one.
Another trick that worked a few times was running a washcloth under hot water and then laying it on my forehead while I ran the thermometer under the hot water and returned it to the cabinet. I would have mom feel my head and then run in and get the hot thermometer so I would have a slight fever of 99.9 degrees!
Unfortunately faking sick was getting harder and harder. This was when I decided it was time to play with the big dogs and fake an injury. We ran and played outside a lot, so it wasn't uncommon that we would twist our ankles or get stung by bees. One day I came home limping, claiming I hurt my ankle. I went to bed and woke the next day to a regular looking ankle. I knew this would not do. I grabbed some of my eye shadows from my pretty princess make-up kit and played make-up artist on my ankle. I powdered on some blues and browns so that it looked bruised, and limped through the house to show Helen. It worked! They were pretty convinced that it was sprained and I got to stay home that day! The next day I still wasn't ready to go back to school, so I claimed it was even worse. They took me to the doctor for an X-Ray, which of course revealed there was nothing wrong. I was so proud of myself, although little did I know the doctor and Helen had a chat. I thought I was homefree until Helen started talking about cancelling my birthday party, which was the next day.
It was a miracle! I could walk again! Helen and Jeff were pretty mad after that one, and I started to lay off on my faking. Once I had cleared second grade, I was in the clear and I no longer needed to fake sick anyway!
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